Yaya-tan
by VitameatavegaminGirl
Summary: Shiki-san is bored, so he decides to have a little fun at the expense of Shizuo and Izaya. Of course he makes sure to think of it as a 'mission' but we all know why he really did it. ;) WARNING: Major OOC-ness! Neither Shizuo or Izaya are acting like themselves in this. o.0


**This is the result of an overactive imagination, a full week of neglecting my two main stories, a love for anything (and everything) ridiculous and my love for stupid oneshots.**

 **Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Shiki-san needed a way to get the better of that annoying flea, Orihara Izaya. He felt that the conceited brat was beginning to get too big for his itty-bitty britches. So, when the nerdy lab geeks Shiki-san's boss employed came up with a new drug that made the user act childish and helpless, a brilliant idea struck him. He could knock Izaya down a few pegs and make the strongest man in Ikebukuro detest the overconfident information broker even more than he already did. _Perfect_ , he thought, _absolutely perfect_.

-ƔƔƔ-

Shiki-san couldn't wait for them to wake up. He paced back and forth in front of a bullet proof (and hopefully Shizuo proof, if his little plot didn't work out well) observation window. Inside the bare examination room, the bodies of his two victims lay peacefully. It had been relatively easy to acquire Izaya but Heiwajima Shizuo had been an entirely different ball of wax. Twenty-eight of Shiki-san's men had to be sent to the hospital before the crazy monster could be knocked out.

Inside the room Izaya moaned and rolled over, accidently kicking Shizuo in the face. The man he had assaulted growled in his sleep and curled up in a ball, just like a tired kitten. Izaya sat up at the sound of a voice different than his own. He took in the pure white room, the curled up Shizuo, the large window and Shiki-san looking through in the window. He blinked in confusion and rubbed his throbbing head. The information broker remembered being surrounded by a bunch of mafia type men, feeling a pang at his neck after which everything went black.

Just to give his over active mind something to hang onto, he began thinking of snappy one-liners he could shoot at his enemy when he woke up. He had thought up around seventy-seven when the blonde ex-bartender stretched and sat up, rubbing his eyes with both hands (Shiki-san had taken away all of their accessories that might have been used as weapons; such as Izaya's jacket and knives, Shizuo's sunglasses and necktie, and both men's shoes, just in case). All the wise-acre phrases he had so meticulously constructed flew right out the window as he suddenly realized that he was in a (probably) locked room, had no way of escape, and was stuck with the one person who hated him most.

#$*%

As he was cursing the bane of his existence, Shizuo scratched his head and looked around blearily (the poor souls assigned to capturing him had to use elephant darts just to slow him down a bit). When his gaze came to a stop on his new 'roommate,' Izaya leapt to his feet, ready for the impending fight. Shizuo just stared at him, eyes wide with a strange curiosity.

"Whatsa matter, Shizu-chan? Cat got your tongue?" The dark-haired man sneered at the blonde. He figured that Shizuo was going to kill him anyway, so he might as well go out swinging, "Come on, Shizu-chan! Don't just sit there, say something!" Izaya braced himself for the pain that usually followed his prodding. When it didn't come he opened his eyes and looked down at the still sitting man in front of him. What he saw astounded him beyond comprehension

Shizuo was looking at him…with tears in his eyes.

Izaya's sharp shooting mind, for the first time in his entire life, went completely blank. He couldn't think of a single solitary thing to say. Even his natural bodily functions were failing him. He was vaguely mindful of the fact that he had sunk to his knees and his mouth had dropped open. Other than that though, he was utterly unaware of his surroundings. He couldn't even tell that Shiki-san was practically dying with laughter right outside the observation window. His plan was going even better than he had anticipated!

"Wh-why are you being so mean?" The newly child-like Shizuo sobbed, "I don't even know who you are! Why are you being a bully to Shizuo? WAAAAH!" Shizuo leaned his head back and wailed like a two-year-old.

It is a known fact that Izaya, regardless of his love for humans, doesn't have very good social skills, so when Shizuo (his worst enemy) began acting like a child (one of the few kinds of humans Izaya couldn't stand) it was far too much for him to bear. He tilted his head and commanded his short-circuiting brain to come up with something to say to the despondent blonde.

"Y-you don't r-remember me?" When Shizuo nodded (still glassy eyed), Izaya took a steadying breath before saying, "My name is Izaya. Orihara Izaya. I didn't mean to be rude. I've been having a really bad day and I just took my frustrations out on you. I'm," he grimaced and forced himself to say it, "I'm sorry, Shizu-chan." He was going to rip Shiki-san's eyes, throat and limbs right off his body (Shiki-san was rolling on the floor outside, cackling like a maniac).

Shizuo sniffled and rubbed his eyes, "It…it's okay, I-za-ya," He enunciated each syllable carefully, "Um…why do you call me 'Shizu-chan?'"

Izaya stiffened. Other than the fact that the nickname usually infuriated the ex-bartender, he didn't really have a reason, "Er…because we are…best friends?" Even though his words should have been a statement they sounded a lot more like a question. Shizuo didn't really notice though. In fact, his face had brightened considerably when he heard Izaya say that they were pals.

"Re-really? Then I'll call you…um…Yaya-tan!" Shizuo laughed and clapped his hands together happily. He was quite proud of his nicknaming skills.

Izaya, on the other hand, was not pleased in the slightest. In fact he was downright furious at the situation Shiki-san had devised for him and Shizuo.

"Ne, Yaya-tan?"

Izaya cringed at the sound of his new nickname, "Yes, Shizu-chan."

"Um…how do we get out of here?" The blonde man pushed himself to his feet, clasped his hands behind his back and looked down on the, much shorter, information broker. Izaya put aside the fact that his worst enemy was now calling him…'Yaya-tan' to consider their options. He was pretty sure that whatever was making Shizuo act like this was only temporary (he hoped, oh how desperately he hoped). He was also absolutely positive that he didn't want to be in the same room as Shizuo when he snapped out of his drug induced stupor; he didn't even want to be in the same city.

"Well…um," Izaya pulled on a lock of his hair, before glancing at the observation window. He frowned when he saw Shiki-san having to support himself because he was laughing so hard. That was when Izaya had brilliant idea of his own. He decided that if Shiki-san was going to give him the sourest lemons he could possibly find, Izaya would do his best to make the sweetest lemonade out of them. He looked up at Shizuo, gave his best Cheshire cat smile and said, "All we have to do is knock out that window over there, Shizu-chan! You're really strong so why don't you try hitting it first." He got the reaction he wanted. Shizuo tilted his head in the direction of the window and flicked his eyes over it. Then the blonde turned, bounced over to it, raised his fist high in the air and punched the window as hard as he possibly could.

Shiki-san jumped when the glass splintered but didn't shatter. He shouted for his subordinates to clear the area before dashing off himself. He was pretty sure that the dark-haired brat was still over-confident in his abilities but Shiki-san had gotten a good laugh out of his little experiment (plus he had recorded to whole thing as proof, just in case Shizuo didn't remember what happened later) so he was going to consider this 'mission' successful. If the blonde ex-bartender did remember what happened, Shiki-san was sure that, in the end, he (and everyone else in Ikebukuro) would hear Shizuo's bellows of consternation.

While all of the mafia men were clearing out, Shizuo punched the glass again, this time breaking it* entirely. He looked back at 'Yaya-tan' for praise. The information broker didn't disappoint, "Good boy, Shizu-chan! I knew you could do it," Izaya walked over to him…and yelped when he stepped on the sharp glass. He had forgotten that glass is sharp, and it hurts to step on glass when you don't have any shoes on. Shizuo blinked at the sound of Izaya's unexpected pain, "Yaya-tan, are you all right?" Izaya didn't answer, he was too busy hopping on one foot, rubbing the injured one and swearing angrily. The blonde toddled (you read that right…toddled) over to Izaya, threw the stunned man over his shoulder, walked over to the now open window (his feet were a lot tougher than Izaya's), lifted a long leg, and stepped out of the bare examination room. Then he crunched across the rest of the broken glass before setting Izaya down out of harm's way.

"Is that better, Yaya-tan?" Shizuo bent down and stared at him in concern.

Izaya tried to speak but for around two minutes all he could do was stutter pathetically. When he finally regained his senses the first words out of his mouth were, "Yes, thank you," after saying that he mentally berated himself. He had planned on running away as soon as Shizuo broke them out, but now…he had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to escape from the newly attached Shizuo.

"Good! What should we do now, Yaya-tan?"

"Well," Izaya thought rapidly, "why don't we get out of this building. I'll think of something else when we get out. Does that sound all right?" Shizuo nodded vigorously, scooped Izaya up again (bridal style, this time) and proceeded to virtually fly out the open door. The blonde then leapt out the first open window he came across.

He landed right in front Walker and Erika, who were on their way home from another manga shopping spree. The two otaku froze, blinking in shock. Izaya had turned a very pretty shade of pink at the sight of them and began shouting at Shizuo to run away as fast as he could.

Shizuo didn't like that very much. Instead of obeying Izaya (as he had been doing so far) he fell to his knees, dropped the humiliated informant on the cement and began bawling again, "Why is Yaya-tan yelling at Shizuo?!" He cried, childishly. Erika's jaw dropped while Walker's eyes opened in amazement.

"Sh-shizuo?" Erika gawked, "Wh-what are you doing? Izaya…what's going on?" Izaya wasn't really listening to her though. At the moment, the only thing he wanted to do was make Shizuo stop crying and get himself out of this terrible mess.

"Shizu-chan, stop crying! P-please?" Izaya fluttered around the sobbing man (almost like a mother hen concerned over her chicks), "Um…i-if you stop I'll get you a…er…a p-popsicle! S-so don't cry." He awkwardly patted the golden locks.

Erika squawked, "What are you talking about Izaya?! Why is Shizuo crying?! Why are you acting so weird?!" She had nearly fallen over when the ex-bartender called Izaya…'Yaya-tan.' Walker hadn't fared any better. His eyes were fully open and he had dropped the couple bags of manga he had bought earlier.

"Ne, Shizuo-san, su?" He blinked a few times before bending down in front of the still weeping blonde, "Why are you crying, su? Did something happen, su?"

Shizuo hiccupped and glanced at his fellow blonde, "Yaya-tan was being mean to me again. Who are you?" He tilted his head in curiosity. He still had tears on his face but he wasn't crying anymore (much to Izaya's relief; he didn't really know why but seeing Shizuo cry made him feel uncomfortable).

Walker closed his eyes again and returned his characteristically wide smile back to its original position, "My name is Yumisaki Walker, su. As a matter of fact, we are friends, su. Isn't that right, Erika, su?" He turned toward his friend, who nodded (she was still stunned but figured it would be better to go along with Walker's lead). He then continued with a chipper, "Can you tell me why you are acting so familiar with Izaya-san, su? Usually you would attack him regardless of whether or not he had yelled at you, su." Shizuo frowned. Then he pinched the bridge of his nose, like he had a headache.

Izaya gulped. He had a feeling that whatever drug Shiki-san had given Shizuo was wearing off. He needed to get out of there…STAT! "Well! I had better get going!" The information broker shot to his feet and turned to leave, "Nice chatting with you three! See you lat-ACK!" Izaya nearly choked when Shizuo quickly lifted his hand and grabbed onto his shirt.

"Izaya…enemy…hate…kill…Izaya…I hate Izaya…IIIIIZZAAAAAAYYYYYYYAAAAAAA-KUUUUUUUUN!" Shizuo screamed the terrified man's name in hatred. Izaya let out a frightened shriek and tried his best to run away. Alas, his efforts were in vain. Instead of getting away from the furious Shizuo, (who, by the way, remembered EVERYTHING about the previous hour or so) all he did was anger his captor more, if that was even possible at this point.

Shizuo climbed to his feet, keeping a firm hold on the struggling man's shirt. He tightened his free hand into a fist, lifted Izaya (who, by now, was screaming in fear) high in the air, before punching him into a tree on the other side of the street.

Everyone, from Kida and Mikado studying at school to Celty and Shinra relaxing in their apartment, heard Shizuo's next shout.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU YAYA-TAN!"

* * *

 ***Yes I know bullet proof glass isn't supposed to break and even if it did it wouldn't be in shards, but for the sake of my story that is what it is doing.**

 **There you have it! I hope you liked this silly story of mine! Please review!**

 **Have a nice day! :)**

 **Later!**


End file.
